The consistency of Chris Brown (his violent behavior, not his music) by Adam Lehrer

Oh man, sitting here on a train trying to email and call sources for our trend story due tomorrow sure was getting me down after a surprisingly uplifting funeral. But then, Twitter gives me this:

Another Chris Brown incident. Something to instantly riff on. 

Holy shitsmoke I fucking hate this guy! Why the fuck is he still here!? Why did his record just come out!? Is this it!?

Ok, got that out of my system. But seriously, what kind of world do we live in where a guy can do THAT to the face of any woman, let alone one of the most famous women in the world and still be around for another few years? 

Meanwhile, his attempts at redemption have included fake crying through a performance of “Man in the Mirror,” hilariously (sorry it was kind of funny) trashing “Good Morning, America” and a couple of shitty records. Not to mention bastardizing the names of some of my beloved bands (Neurosis, Crass) on his $15,000 leather jackets.

Maybe this will be the final straw. Maybe this psychotic, maladjusted bitchtard will finally go away. Just finally.

Not likely. Some desperate newsstation or magazine or website (name one) will jump on the chance to get the interview where he will immaturely explain himself.

“He said he wasn’t down with my bleached hair,” Brown explained. “He said the neck tat was a bad move, so you know, broken jaw.”



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